Painted Black
by Elwood Penscottie
Summary: Hermione tried desperatly to be loved, but failed and has slipped into depression


DISCLAIMER: you kno the drill....i don't own anything but the plot

[a/n: time for something different...songfic! for Harry potter! go uber Harry potter geeks!

ok this is a great song! yay! called painted black by the rolling stones

This fic is about Hermione.

I see Hermione as a know-it-all because she's a muggle born and she feels that if she doesn't already know everything she can about wizards she's afraid she'll be left behind as an outcast. You can see when Ron is saying "no wonder she hasn't got any friends" in the Sorcerer's stone that Hermione gets very upset because she worked so hard to try and fit in and he's making fun of her. Well, that's my theory. She's also naturally bossy.

So in this song fic, Hermione doesn't have any friends, despite her hard work. She's very angsty and hateful right now, but she's also very sensitive and hurt. Here goes.]

Hermione Granger desperately tried to fit in. She tried knowing what she thought all other wizards knew, but she was far ahead of them. She knew too much. She was labeled a brain and shunned. No one cared to know her. No one wanted her as a friend. She thought no one loved her, especially now that she had betrayed The-Boy-Who-Lived's best friend, Ron Weasley.

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I see a red door and I want it painted black  
_No colors anymore I want them to turn black_

She was hateful, she turned away. She didn't need anyone. She no longer cared to be liked. Appearances didn't matter. Nothing mattered. She was hurt inside. Ron had loved her, and she thought she loved Ron, but it didn't work. Her heart is broken. Her love is gone. No one wanted to look at her. She was hated because she ruined Ron's and Harry's life.

__

  
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes  
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes 

She no longer felt love, or happiness. She felt nothing anymore. She wanted to die. She wanted the pain to stop. She wished she was loved. She wished she had never hurt Ron or Harry. She wish things were undone. She wished she'd never listened to Draco. She wished to hold Ron again; too see his laughing face. No more did she hear laughter, no more did she see beauty.

__

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black  
With flowers and my love, both never to come back

She has changed, she is lost. Her hate and anger has swelled. She can not fight it. She is over come in pain. She wishes for death. She wishes for the end of Hermione Granger. She would kill herself, tonight. End the pain, the struggle, the hate, end everything. Be forgotten, be lost. She never wanted to see light again. She wanted to kill herself, openly. She wanted everyone to see her pain end.

__

I see people turn their heads and quickly look away  
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday 

She pulled out her knife. It glistened in the moonlight. It was so beautiful, so dangerous, so cold against her skin. She was going to do it, just not here, not now. She wanted everyone to see what they did to her.

__

I look inside myself and see my heart is black  
I see my red door and it has been painted black

She walked down to the Great Hall. Her footsteps heavy, her pace slow. Her eyes were bleak. She no longer needed to feel, to see, to taste, to touch. She needed nothing. Only love, but love was gone. She no longer knew of love.

__

  
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts  
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black 

She felt empty. She was just a shell. Empty inside, no soul. Her love was gone. She had nothing to live for. Nothing. Everything she had and loved- destroyed- by a stupid decision, now she wasn't able to take that decision back.

__

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue  
I could not foresee this thing happening to you

She reached the door. People were talking inside. No one missed her. No one noticed the know-it-all was gone. Ron and Harry had recovered, and were now held higher than ever by people's standards. Hermione was as hated as the Dark Lord.

__

  
If I look hard enough into the setting sun  
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes 

She wanted to die. The pain was worse. So close to the ones she loved, but all she felt was hatred. No one loved her, she thought no one loved her.

__

I see a red door and I want it painted black  
No colors anymore I want them to turn black

She pushed open the heavy doors. Her legs felt like led as she dragged herself into the room. It was silent. Everyone turned to glare at her. Almost immediately it started. They began yelling at her, screaming, calling her hateful names. It was as if 100 howlers were sent off. She began to cry. A tear of hate slid down her cheek, another of eternal pain. It reminded her of when the howlers she couldn't open in time blew up and burned her body badly. They began to throw food. The teachers did, nothing. They just watched her, coldly.

__

  
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes  
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes 

She pulled out the knife. It gleamed brightly, reflecting, shining, brilliantly alive from their hatred. They gasped. They did not know what she was going to do. Whether she would try killing Ron and Harry or someone else again. The room was silent. Hermione's head spun. Softly, slowly, she spoke.

"All I wanted was to be loved. To have friends, to have a place, a face to turn to. That's it. I never wanted to kill, I never wanted to hurt. But this can't go on any longer. This has to stop. I can't live I can't breathe I can't do anything anymore. I'm sorry Harry," he turned away coldly, "I never wanted you to become a part of this. Ron," he glared at her, "Ron I loved you. I really did, and I still do. This is the end. My pain must stop. Goodbye, all of you. Please forgive me when I'm gone."

She swiftly plunged the knife into her stomach.

"Hermione!"

The pain was immense. It was unbearable, the only thing she kept telling herself was "It's all over, the pain is gone." The blood poured over her hands and down her robe.

__

I wanna see it painted black, painted black  
Black as night, black as coal

She began drifting. She went numb, her vision glazed. She fell to her side. A pool of dark crimson blood gathered around her. Darkness over took her. Her world was black. She closed her eyes. She felt nothing, just slipping. Slipping from reality, slipping from the world. Everything was black, everything was gone. The pain, the hatred, it all stopped. And so ended Hermione Granger.

__

  
I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky  
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

[a/n: whew! angst! anyway don't listen to the song if you're reading it, it kills the mood. its just the lyrics that fit. hope you liked it! flame, review whatever.

-EP//JKR]


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